Storybird Narrative - Practical Advice For Amateur Multi-dimensional Time Travelers
Here is a link to my attempt at a narrative story using storybird: https://storybird.com/books/practical-advice-for-amateur-multi-dimensional-tim/?token=e79ubz3f8c Self-Scores and Analysis I have scored myself using the 6+1, 3-12 Traits rubric from http://educationnorthwest.org/sites/default/files/new-rubrics-3-12.pdf My written analysis of your scores using information from Chapter 4 from: Culham, R. (2014). The writing thief. New York: Stenhouse Key Question: Does the writer engage the reader with fresh information or perspective on a focused topic? Score: 4 (Capable) I think that my narrative conveys a clear idea, but is weak when it comes to following it through in a conventional narrative style. According to Culham (2014), “We expect the plot to be well developed and present a compelling problem that is solved -- eventually” (p. 99). My narrative structure is more implied than a straightforward journey. Also, the problem, (staying safe while traveling through time), is solved in a more round-about fashion -- allowing Captain Whiskers to declare that reading books is the only suitable solution for the human amature time traveler. In addition, I believe that the unconventional narrative structure is engaging by virtue of its unique delivery, but ultimately fails to present a narrative architecture for readers to engage on multiple levels. Key Question: Does the organizational structure enhance the ideas and make them easier to understand? Score: 5 (Experienced) In looking back over the organization of the price and comparing it to the rubric, I definitely feel that the unique sequencing, the transition words, the purpose revealed by the structure (7 practical tips), and the unusual but creative title -- all land it in the 4-5 range. Culham (2014) states, “the writer anticipates and answers and lingering questions that the reader may have, providing a strong sense of closure” (p.107). Definitely, the protagonist (Captain Whiskers), comes up with a concrete solution for amateur human travelers by suggesting that they stick to books and leave the dangerous stuff to the cats. I feel like this is backed up throughout the story, and should provide the reader with a certain amount of clarity. Key Question: Does the reader clearly hear this writer speaking in the piece? Score: 5 (Experienced) As Culham (2014) writes, when the author is successful in establishing tone, “the reader feels the writer’s conviction, authority, and integrity” (p. 108). I feel like with Captain Whiskers as the narrator of the events through his advice, I feel I have created a character that conveys a very specific and purposeful tone. That tone of pure superiority supports the main idea well, leading the reader to the conclusion that reading, for humans, is the safest way to travel to other worlds. It is my hope that through the protagonist's dry humor, the reader will be engaged or entertained enough to buy into the construct of the main idea. Key Question: Does the author's choice of words convey precise and compelling meaning and/or create a vivid picture for the reader? Score: 5 (Experienced) Even though this is a very short story, in a somewhat unconventional structure, I tried to pay close attention to word choices to paint a proper picture of possible events. Through the use of alliteration (Brash Broadsword of Bubblebrook), and vivid imagery (lemon-lime flying fizz potion), I hope to, as Culham (2014) states, “sparkle and show pizzazz” (p. 111). Because this story takes place somewhere between science fiction and fantasy, my word choices were selected to evoke magical imagery of extraordinary locations. I used imagery like the “infinite plains of Soaphaven,”fold time-space maps,” and “singe your fur” to create specific sensory images for the reader. Key Question: Does the author control sentences so the piece flows smoothly when read aloud? Score: 5 (Experienced) The sentences in my story utilize many transition words, and I believe they flow smoothly, in a sing-song way. As the cat gives advice using, as Culham (2014) puts it, “an effective mix of long, complex sentences and short simple ones. Perhaps some of the sentences run a little too long, but I did envision the Captain Whiskers character as a bit of a wind bag. Some of the transition words I used to make the piece flow better: however, of course, but, also and while. Key Question: How much editing is required before the piece can be shared as a final product? Score: 3 (Developing) I would guess that my adherence to proper conventions is pretty low. Although I did, as Culham states, “go outside of the conventions box...for emphasis” (p. 120). Many times I am unsure of capitalization when it comes to imaginary magical items or locations. I am also fairly generous with the double dash, the comma and some other overused conventions. As far as editing, many of these assignments are created between 4th grade STEM and lunch duty. I wish I could catch it all, but I understand that in order to properly comb through, I need more than one pair of eyes. Key Question: Is the finished piece easy to read, polished in presentation, and pleasing to the eye? Score: 4 (Capable) No matter how much I love Storybird, it is those maddening constraints that make me believe that my project is just too packed up with words. I think that this platform is great for elementary aged students, so that they don’t have a million possibilities, and have to stay within certain parameters. I personally would like the ability to crop, make text boxes, alter artwork. For example, the ability to give multiple cats captain's hats would have been such a great thing. If I were to do it over again, I would create a simpler story in a more conventional way. A story with less words, in order to make the page breathe. Perhaps a hero's journey to retrieve a magical object... or maybe a lesson in friendship. I just couldn’t get out of my own way as soon as I saw Captain Whiskers. References Culham, R. (2014). Narrative writing. The writing thief (pp. 89-128). Portland, ME: Stenhouse Publishers.
4 Comments
Emily Walsh
2/6/2018 07:07:11 pm
Practical Advice for Amateur Multi-dimensional Time Travelers is a work of art, Greg! The story line is creative and fun and can show students that you can write about anything when it comes to narratives. I liked how this story is so different than many of the other children’s narratives that are available. I wish there was a bit of dialogue between the cats and humans! I think that would have made it all the more personal.
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Jennifer Vuillermet
2/7/2018 11:24:19 am
Hi, Greg -
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Mike Butler
2/9/2018 07:06:17 pm
Greg,
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Mike Butler
2/9/2018 08:18:36 pm
Two stars and a wish!
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